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The "It Happened on the Mats" Thread
5 year(s) ago • 3076 views • 75 replies
BJBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
The rash guard thread was turning into a compendium of horror stories for gross things that happened on the mats, so here's a new thread for that.
This didn't happen to me, but this story on Reddit is too funny not to post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/[...]tors_dick/
Post your horror stories if you got 'em.
This didn't happen to me, but this story on Reddit is too funny not to post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/[...]tors_dick/
Post your horror stories if you got 'em.
CBBrown beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I was rolling with a guy who had Chili for lunch before training. He was able to set a triangle and while trying to sink it in, he ripped out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. When the smell hit me, I had to tap.
BJBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Here's one that happened at my gym about 10 days ago (I was not in the class but heard all about it):
Our gym has one small locker room with a bathroom in it. You have to walk through the locker room to get to the bathroom, which is behind another door.
A few weeks ago, coach bought a new toilet to install in the bathroom. He left it sitting in the locker room for a while. I frowned when I saw that because I come from a redneck family and in my experience, unconnected toilets find a way of getting used. But I thought it would be a kid.
I was wrong. It was an adult.
New guy came in and didn't know about the locker room / bathroom layout. He disappeared into the locker room to use the bathroom mid-class. Came out asking why the toilet doesn't flush.
Everyone looked at each other in horror.
I guess he was so embarrassed that he refused to go back into the locker room after class and insisted on changing in the parent waiting area next to the mats, in full view of the two female students who were there, stripping down to his underwear.
Reportedly he was in decent shape, so that's nice I guess.
To my knowledge he has not been back.
Our gym has one small locker room with a bathroom in it. You have to walk through the locker room to get to the bathroom, which is behind another door.
A few weeks ago, coach bought a new toilet to install in the bathroom. He left it sitting in the locker room for a while. I frowned when I saw that because I come from a redneck family and in my experience, unconnected toilets find a way of getting used. But I thought it would be a kid.
I was wrong. It was an adult.
New guy came in and didn't know about the locker room / bathroom layout. He disappeared into the locker room to use the bathroom mid-class. Came out asking why the toilet doesn't flush.
Everyone looked at each other in horror.
I guess he was so embarrassed that he refused to go back into the locker room after class and insisted on changing in the parent waiting area next to the mats, in full view of the two female students who were there, stripping down to his underwear.
Reportedly he was in decent shape, so that's nice I guess.
To my knowledge he has not been back.
DBlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I once went knee on belly on a white belt, who then coughed up phlegm from pressure. My face was over his and my mouth was open. I fucking ran to the bathroom gagging like I just got ebola. I had swallowed someone else's phlegm.
RDBlack belt 4th degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
Copied from my other post on a thread:
I had a drop of sweat fall from someones head into my mouth while rolling once. Gag reflex went into full gear! Dude must've been 300lbs and smelled like rotten Doritos with a mix of sardine oil for flavour. Lol
I had a drop of sweat fall from someones head into my mouth while rolling once. Gag reflex went into full gear! Dude must've been 300lbs and smelled like rotten Doritos with a mix of sardine oil for flavour. Lol
RDBlack belt 4th degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
We had a guy come in to train with a shit stain on the back of his white gi pants. I mean it was an unadulterated shit stain running down the crack of his ass. Smell and all!
Fast forward a few years and I find out that dude was a mental case and ended up in jail for some weird shit involving a dead body in his house. Not like he did something to it but he just ignored the fact that the person was dead and went on with his friggin life.
Fast forward a few years and I find out that dude was a mental case and ended up in jail for some weird shit involving a dead body in his house. Not like he did something to it but he just ignored the fact that the person was dead and went on with his friggin life.
BJBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
We had a guy come in to train with a shit stain on the back of his white gi pants. I mean it was an unadulterated shit stain running down the crack of his ass. Smell and all! Fast forward a few years and I find out that dude was a mental case and ended up in jail for some weird shit involving a dead body in his house. Not like he did something to it but he just ignored the fact that the person was dead and went on with his friggin life.
I hit the poop reaction in response to this one because it makes so much sense.
CBBrown beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I hit the poop reaction in response to this one because it makes so much sense.
I'm noticing a trend already, so I'll just go ahead and leave this here now.
https://youtu.be/Yx4GKoFBtos
https://youtu.be/Yx4GKoFBtos
DBlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
We had a guy come to class, you could tell straight away that something was a bit off about him. He was the quiet type but stiff and rigid as fuck when doing technique. When it came to sparring, I paired up with him as I knew he would go super hard. He yelled and screamed every time he got caught, out of frustration, not pain. I kept telling him to loosen up and not be bothered by this. After the first roll, I told him it would be best if he sat out and watched how rolls should go as there was no way I was pairing him up with anyone.
Anyway, after class is when things got interesting. He walked up to a group of the guys and asked if any one wanted to kick him in the nuts. Needless to say, everyone got thrown off by this and slowly walked away to the changing rooms. Everyone except Phil. Phil is the nicest guy in the world but will never turn down such an opportunity.
Phil throws the first kick softly, just a tap. Dude does not flinch and only says "harder". Phil kicks again, a solid fucking thunk in the nuts. To his credit, dude does not scream in pain or anything, only a little grunt. His eyes are red and watering. He walks to the bench and sits down for 5 minutes in silence. He then leaves in his training clothes ... never came back.
Anyway, after class is when things got interesting. He walked up to a group of the guys and asked if any one wanted to kick him in the nuts. Needless to say, everyone got thrown off by this and slowly walked away to the changing rooms. Everyone except Phil. Phil is the nicest guy in the world but will never turn down such an opportunity.
Phil throws the first kick softly, just a tap. Dude does not flinch and only says "harder". Phil kicks again, a solid fucking thunk in the nuts. To his credit, dude does not scream in pain or anything, only a little grunt. His eyes are red and watering. He walks to the bench and sits down for 5 minutes in silence. He then leaves in his training clothes ... never came back.
JWBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Back when I was doing Japanese JuJitsu we had a guy in class that was about 400 pounds. He had been training for a while and had lost quite a bit of weight, which left lots of loose skin. He liked to roll in shorts and a very cut off t-shirt, so cut off it looked a lot like Borat's bikini. We were rolling and he got in side control and just dropped his belly over my face. It was like having a sweat-filled plastic bag over my head. With each attempted breath I got loose sweaty skin sucked into my mouth. It was horrible.
GBlack belt 1st degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
A few years ago when I was a purple belt I used to run an early morning no gi class at my coaches gym and there was a girl that came almost every morning. Lovely girl, very enthusiastic, though not a super star was somewhat talented for a beginner. Anyway, she had this problem I guess with body odour. Pretty sure she couldn't help it much but its possible she just always trained dirty. Not sure, I never had the heart to ask.
One morning she came to the class with a sleeveless rashguard. She had her usual musk about her and I didnt think too much off it. We have showers, I can shower after class.
Now Im a big lover of half guard from the bottom and I flair my underhooks, a lot. So naturally I spent a good portion of our rolling time with various parts of my arm wedged under her sleeveless armpit. We finished the class, I showered and paid more attention than usual to washing my arms. I can tell you.... it wasn't enough. For the next 2 days my arm carried the smell of her funky armpit. It would actually be quite impressive if it wasn't so gross!!
Needless to say, I ended sleeveless rashguard in my class
One morning she came to the class with a sleeveless rashguard. She had her usual musk about her and I didnt think too much off it. We have showers, I can shower after class.
Now Im a big lover of half guard from the bottom and I flair my underhooks, a lot. So naturally I spent a good portion of our rolling time with various parts of my arm wedged under her sleeveless armpit. We finished the class, I showered and paid more attention than usual to washing my arms. I can tell you.... it wasn't enough. For the next 2 days my arm carried the smell of her funky armpit. It would actually be quite impressive if it wasn't so gross!!
Needless to say, I ended sleeveless rashguard in my class
Edited 5 year(s) ago
JABlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I was rolling with a guy who had Chili for lunch before training. He was able to set a triangle and while trying to sink it in, he ripped out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. When the smell hit me, I had to tap.
Sounds like that video 5-6 years ago with the fartoplata where the guy stuck in it puked on the mat. lol
VCBlack belt 3rd degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
-Back in the white belt days of yore, we had a guy who consistently farted everytime he did an armbar :( been there at the business end
-We've had several very sweaty people whose copious sweat drops have gone into my eyes, nose, ears, mouth, on a regular basis
-We've had light rolls blow up into full blown challenge matches where one challenger was almost judo thrown out of a window to a 5m drop
-We've also had a couple of people who also went postal after getting submitted, yelling and storming off the mats
-Training partner's pant ripped at the crotch mid pass and his junk plopped out (thankfully with undies), can't unsee that
-We've had several very sweaty people whose copious sweat drops have gone into my eyes, nose, ears, mouth, on a regular basis
-We've had light rolls blow up into full blown challenge matches where one challenger was almost judo thrown out of a window to a 5m drop
-We've also had a couple of people who also went postal after getting submitted, yelling and storming off the mats
-Training partner's pant ripped at the crotch mid pass and his junk plopped out (thankfully with undies), can't unsee that
TPBlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Anybody thinking about starting BJJ but being a little intimidated by the intimacy, better not read this thread. For fucks sake! :D :D :D
VCBlack belt 3rd degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
-I've also rolled with a guy who claimed he was a ninja. Mid roll I thought he stabbed me only to find out he had a bunch of keys including his car key in his pocket, along with his wallet & phone in his shorts pockets and wore gi pants over them. FML
RDBlack belt 4th degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
Anybody thinking about starting BJJ but being a little intimidated by the intimacy, better not read this thread. For fucks sake! :D :D :D
Come on Tatu whats a little Body odour and farts between friends. LOL
CBBrown beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Looks like we're including non gross stories here sooooo:
We were doing light pass sparring as a warm up, I was playing around and he wanted to reposition he foot between us to reclaim guard. Wound up bashing me in the nuts so hard I had to sit the rest of the warm up out and almost threw up.
At my old Judo Club before I switched: there was a brown belt who out weighed me by 40 Kg easy who wanted to do stand up randori with me under the pretense of "only going really light and technical". Right after he got his first grip, he launched me in the air, bashed me head first on the mats and followed with crashing his 100+ KG body into me and almost dislocated my shoulder in the process. He then proceeded to get up and smugly tell me, "Hey, it's Judo. You have to just deal with it." This would be one of the reasons I don't train there anymore.
We were doing light pass sparring as a warm up, I was playing around and he wanted to reposition he foot between us to reclaim guard. Wound up bashing me in the nuts so hard I had to sit the rest of the warm up out and almost threw up.
At my old Judo Club before I switched: there was a brown belt who out weighed me by 40 Kg easy who wanted to do stand up randori with me under the pretense of "only going really light and technical". Right after he got his first grip, he launched me in the air, bashed me head first on the mats and followed with crashing his 100+ KG body into me and almost dislocated my shoulder in the process. He then proceeded to get up and smugly tell me, "Hey, it's Judo. You have to just deal with it." This would be one of the reasons I don't train there anymore.
JWBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Sounds like that video 5-6 years ago with the fartoplata where the guy stuck in it puked on the mat. lol
I hope I don't have to explain to IT why I googled fartoplata.
JMBlack belt 2nd degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
I'm so boring. 15+ years and nothing really embarassing except sweat dripping as it does.
CBBrown beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I'm so boring. 15+ years and nothing really embarassing except sweat dripping as it does.
Be grateful. Be very very grateful. :)
VCBlack belt 3rd degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
I'm so boring. 15+ years and nothing really embarassing except sweat dripping as it does.
I'm holding back a lot to keep the forum child-friendly
DHPurple beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I was rolling with a guy who had Chili for lunch before training. He was able to set a triangle and while trying to sink it in, he ripped out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. When the smell hit me, I had to tap.
I see you're familiar with gas guard.
JABlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
-I've also rolled with a guy who claimed he was a ninja. Mid roll I thought he stabbed me only to find out he had a bunch of keys including his car key in his pocket, along with his wallet & phone in his shorts pockets and wore gi pants over them. FML
Thankfully you were stabbed with keys ;)
JABlack beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I hope I don't have to explain to IT why I googled fartoplata.
Well, as an IT guy of 25+ years, we got too much shit to do USUALLY - I would sometimes ask - "fartoplata huh" but only if I knew the guy. and usually to screw with him lol
Our department has a 1st degree BB and a brown belt. :D
Our department has a 1st degree BB and a brown belt. :D
BJBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
The were quit confused about the technique I was going to teach them.
Probably wondering why a brown belt was teaching the pussy lock, which can only be a black belt move.
Edited 5 year(s) ago
BJBlue beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
Wrist locks are allowed for adults and masters blue belts and over.
I know. I was joking about your language mix-up. :-D
Edited 5 year(s) ago
VCBlack belt 3rd degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
Thankfully you were stabbed with keys ;)
but I didn't say WHERE I got poked by the offending objects :)
SBBlack belt 1st degreeVerified
5 year(s) ago
Portuguese is my native language and I took some time to learn English properly. The first time I went to USA I was already a brown belt and I was invited to teach a few classes in a local academy. I was struggling to communicate with the local students and I decided to teach a wrist lock, but I didn't know the word 'wrist'. In Portuguese wrist means 'pulso', so I decided to use a similar word and I sad loud 'Guys, I am gonna teach you a pussy lock!'. They were quit confused about the technique I was going to teach them. A friend of mine looked at me and sad 'wrist!'. Then I corrected 'Sorry, I am gonna teach you a wrist lock!'
I heard that story on one of the forums from one of the students. You’re internet famous!
RMBrown beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
In Portuguese wrist means 'pulso', so I decided to use a similar word and I sad loud 'Guys, I am gonna teach you a pussy lock!'. They were quit confused about the technique I was going to teach them.
Related to that, "gi" (spelled differently but pronounced the same) is Irish slang for pussy. People only get the first stripe on their white belts when they learn to stop giggling.
AKPurple beltVerified
5 year(s) ago
I went to transition to North-South from Side Control and the guy immediately attempted a powerful shrimping movement. The result was my finger pushing his shorts quite well into his bum hole and his entire body jolting back, sadly it jolted the opposite direction i needed for the NS choke
