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My wife, my first training partner passed away

5 year(s) ago • 6298 views • 49 replies

Brian Thurmond
Brian Thurmond
Purple beltVerified252 forum posts2195/400
5 year(s) ago
My wife, Paula passed away on April 16, 2021. She lost her life to cancer at 43 years of age. She was my first training partner. We practiced Gracie University combatives together for quite some time. She used to apply a little extra on her triangles. During our drilling, Paula when performing the traditional closed guard triangle, would get the partner's (me) arm across her lap and dig the boney prominence of her elbow into my arm. I would ask her, bewildered, "why are you doing that"? She just smiled and said; It is Jiu-jitsu!

We lived in a rural area and local Jiu-jitsu was undesirable. She was not really into Jiu-jitsu so much as she was very much into me.
Paula would humor me to go on trips, vacations that had a GJJ or affiliated training center nearby. Of course, her eyes would roll, but she expected this from me. My wife Paula. My first, best, most supportive, and dedicated training partner.

Rest in Peace, my darling
Vince Choo
Vince Choo
Black belt 3rd degreeVerified1129 forum posts21440/1000
5 year(s) ago
My wife, Paula passed away on April 16, 2021. She lost her life to cancer at 43 years of age. She was my first training partner. We practiced Gracie University combatives together for quite some time. She used to apply a little extra on her triangles. During our drilling, Paula when performing the traditional closed guard triangle, would get the partner's (me) arm across her lap and dig the boney prominence of her elbow into my arm. I would ask her, bewildered, 'why are you doing that'? She just smiled and said; It is Jiu-jitsu! We lived in a rural area and local Jiu-jitsu was undesirable. She was not really into Jiu-jitsu so much as she was very much into me. Paula would humor me to go on trips, vacations that had a GJJ or affiliated training center nearby. Of course, her eyes would roll, but she expected this from me. My wife Paula. My first, best, most supportive, and dedicated training partner. Rest in Peace, my darling
My deepest condolences on your loss
Shawn Carn
Shawn Carn
Black belt 2nd degreeVerified195 forum posts3100/1000
5 year(s) ago
My condolences, I lost my father earlier this year and i know how much that can take a toll on your mental. Just know that she is happy for the time that she shared with you and that she is still up there looking down on you laughing at you do stupid stuff while you train.. Just remember the good times that you had and that will carry you though the long days... thats what helped me
Jorgen Matsi
Jorgen Matsi
Black belt 2nd degreeVerified1809 forum posts18235/1000
5 year(s) ago
My deepest condolences.

I can't imagine what it's like. But I read your post and it made me cry a bit for you, your wife and the fragile tragedy that is called being human.

She will forever be in your heart.
Jessie Gonzales
Jessie Gonzales
Black beltVerified52 forum posts2160/1000
5 year(s) ago
My thoughts are with you. So sorry to hear about your wife's passing, Sounds like you two shared a spectacular common interest.
Philip Dunlap
Philip Dunlap
Black belt 3rd degreeVerified1045 forum posts60960/1000
5 year(s) ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is an awful thing and tales way to many at young ages. You were very fortunate to have her and your story of training with her was heartwarming.. Keep your head up and you both are in my prayers
R. David Gonzalez
R. David Gonzalez
Black belt 4th degreeVerified4799 forum posts35020/1000
5 year(s) ago
My wife, Paula passed away on April 16, 2021. She lost her life to cancer at 43 years of age. She was my first training partner. We practiced Gracie University combatives together for quite some time. She used to apply a little extra on her triangles. During our drilling, Paula when performing the traditional closed guard triangle, would get the partner's (me) arm across her lap and dig the boney prominence of her elbow into my arm. I would ask her, bewildered, 'why are you doing that'? She just smiled and said; It is Jiu-jitsu! We lived in a rural area and local Jiu-jitsu was undesirable. She was not really into Jiu-jitsu so much as she was very much into me. Paula would humor me to go on trips, vacations that had a GJJ or affiliated training center nearby. Of course, her eyes would roll, but she expected this from me. My wife Paula. My first, best, most supportive, and dedicated training partner. Rest in Peace, my darling
Our deepest condolences to you and your family on your tremendous loss.
Joseph Reiter
Joseph Reiter
Black belt 1st degreeVerified8 forum posts5475/1000
5 year(s) ago
We don’t know each other Brian, but I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Please don’t attempt to go thru this alone.

If you need connections to resources, or if all you can manage to do is to post, reach out.
Brian Thurmond
Brian ThurmondOP
Purple beltVerified252 forum posts2195/400
5 year(s) ago
Thank you all. When I posted about my darling, I was/ am feeling...less than, without. However, all of you are wonderful! I'm never going to say the right thing. Thank you.
Dylan Benz
Dylan Benz
Black beltVerified16 forum posts1795/1000
5 year(s) ago
I'm so sorry to hear that! I csn only imagine how hard that must be. Stay strong. You WILL make it through this!
Steven Zoll
Steven Zoll
Black belt 1st degreeVerified648 forum posts10680/1000
5 year(s) ago
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story is heartbreaking. My condolences to you and your loved ones.
Adam Laclair
Adam Laclair
Black belt 1st degreeVerified126 forum posts2745/1000
5 year(s) ago
My wife, Paula passed away on April 16, 2021. She lost her life to cancer at 43 years of age. She was my first training partner. We practiced Gracie University combatives together for quite some time. She used to apply a little extra on her triangles. During our drilling, Paula when performing the traditional closed guard triangle, would get the partner's (me) arm across her lap and dig the boney prominence of her elbow into my arm. I would ask her, bewildered, 'why are you doing that'? She just smiled and said; It is Jiu-jitsu! We lived in a rural area and local Jiu-jitsu was undesirable. She was not really into Jiu-jitsu so much as she was very much into me. Paula would humor me to go on trips, vacations that had a GJJ or affiliated training center nearby. Of course, her eyes would roll, but she expected this from me. My wife Paula. My first, best, most supportive, and dedicated training partner. Rest in Peace, my darling
My first wife, Jan, died of cancer in April of 2007.

Your post reminded me very much of that time and the special relationship her and I also shared.

Brian, How are you doing NOW?

Feel free to reach out and private message me any time!

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